I work with mothers everyday. These moms let me in on the secrets of parenthood…there is no manual, they always wonder if they messed their kids up, and their kids are their heroes.
I work with daughters everyday. I am one. And, I am let in on some more secrets…they are afraid of being a let down, they wonder if their parent’s love them, they wonder if they messed up their parent’s lives, and their parent’s (most of the time) are their heroes.
On both ends, the fear of failure is apparent. There is a miscommunication and because there is no manual on how to be a mom (or dad) or how to be a daughter, things get lost in translation. I believe as human beings, we want to be loved. That is all we want. And because of hurt, frustration, resentment, and expectations it blinds us to the love we are being offered and it hinders our ability to give love to others.
We look to our parents as superheroes and perfect beings when we are young. And as we grow up, events happen to show us their Achilles heel. We are shown their humanness and sometimes it is hard to recover from. We don’t know what happened to them as children, teens, young adults. We don’t see the hurt and pain they too have gone through in life. We think we are the only ones to go through it and “how could they not understand.” Sometimes they don’t and sometimes they do. And, sometimes they weren’t ever shown how to love, so could they know how to?
I think the opportunity to be a parent is the most amazing gift. It comes with the biggest responsibility life could give and that is shaping another human being. It is shaping them and learning how to allow them the space to become their own selves. I don’t know if there is an honor greater or a powerful responsibility than that one and yet, we aren’t given the proper tools to do it.
It has become my passion to help give parents the tools they need to communicate to their kids. And, give their kids the tools they need to communicate assertively, ask for what they need, and help see their parents in a human light that makes us all love a little more. As we all define who we are, take times to learn about ourselves, and grow within ourselves we feel less of a need to control and more of a need to love.
Through my Mother-Daughter Workshop, I want to give each person the skills, time, and space to define what self-love means to them, to open the lines of communication by teaching one another how to ask for what we need and to show them how to support us, and see the other person’s struggle and perspective. We are all human trying to figure this out together.
As we learn to be patient with ourselves, we are more patient with others. As we learn to forgive ourselves, we can more easily forgive others. When we learn to love ourselves, we can truly love those around us.